Screw this!

I'm just going to tell you, world wide web, (I know I have no readers, so this feels "safe"), I am despondent. As an uninsured, unemployed, full time student, veteran and there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to afford having the seemingly minor medical procedure of having screws taken out of my leg. They cause me so much pain, increasing in a daily basis - it wears on my spirit. I've looked into Washington Basic Health - the waiting list is months long. I've talked to the VA, enrollment will take months to approve, and the healthcare available for non-military related injuries still costs more than I could possibly afford right now. It seems I'm on a slow march to being disabled but have no way to back it up. I looked into that too. I was told I have to have exahusted every possible avenue of healthcare to treat the condition with no recovery to be considered disabled. I have shamefully high, unpaid medical bills in collections as it is (unrelated accident). I don't know how I can even get the right appointments to have the screws out. I have an appointment at my regular community clinic, but they can't take x-rays or address this level of required treatment. They can refer me, but I don't have the money to follow up on them. It bums me out.

At present, my stupid, not really healing right broken leg is growing a lump directly above one of the fractures, it seems that tendons are being affected by the lump and the screw heads. I began experiencing pain at the location of the lower screws a few months ago, I experience occasional, wincing, turrets inducing pain when I walk. This pain has become more frequent, and is expanding. A couple days ago I began to feel the top screws (for the first time, in the 4 years they've been in), and some not so great feelings above my knee, which is alarming. Today my toes and lower legs feel numbish on the internally. I can feel stuff just fine on the surface though.

With daily increasing pain, and no healthcare to speak of, or money to pay for even an office visit, I feel hopeless and scared. I just had to admit that.