I'm not giving up my hope for my companion's return

I've gotten over caring if I sound like a crazy cat lady. I'm hopeful that my long time companion is alive and wants to come home but doesn't know how. We live in a new house in new country. Getting lost is a perfectly reasonable scenario (I still use my gps). Looking for a lost pet is perfectly reasonable. Using multiple resources, including the nutty ones is reasonable. Certainly, her passing is also a reasonable possibility, but a cat in her last known state of health can survive this long without food and water. I have every reason to believe that she hasn't succumb to the elements, predators or starvation in the 12 days she has been out. Yes 12 days is a heart wrenchingly long time, but it's not _actually_ long enough to give up looking for her, or hoping for her return.

I talked to the animal communicator again tonight, she's awesome, the experience is incredibly interesting. I wish I had her gifts. Talking with her about Junebug is like talking to someone standing next to the person you're physically conversing with on the phone. We've all had those conversations.

"What's a good time to come over?"
pause (while the message is relayed)
"she said five is a great time"

I usually have these conversations with my mom and step-dad, or a friends who are firmly coupled up.

I asked a bunch of questions that would hopefully help me have an understanding of where Junebug might be. I also thought to ask what Junebug preferred to be called. I thought of this after our first conversation, thinking maybe my cat isn't being addressed as she wished, which might be compromising her respect for me as her companion. Her answer is that she likes to be called Junebug better than JB because it's familiar, but prefers "Osita" (little bear) over all. It's more dignified she says. When I got her, plucking the little black fluff out of the box of kittens, the kids of the household told me that she was called Bear. Over the years I've heard her "tell" me her name was Osita, 'bear cub'. I have called her Little bear, Bear Bear and Osita for years. I will never call her JB again.

Osita reports that she is L-O-S-T, she doesn't think she knows how to get home. She can't smell me or anything familiar. I need to keep looking for her. However, she's hiding and can't be seen. Kitty reunion psychic message of the day "Osita, let people see you, they will help you get home."

Sadly Osita's signal is weak, the communicator I'm working with says this could be because she's depressed/worried, maybe has gone feral because she's be out so long, or possibly she has crossed over. "K" the communicator says the answers she's getting are mixed, no pain, not warm or cold, no sounds or smells, when asked if she's in her body Osita gives both yes and no answers, nor is she eating. It has been pretty cold for our neck of the woods, I understand that she may be hunkered down to conserve heat and energy.

I asked questions to help me get an idea of where she is, did she cross a stream or a field, road with yellow lines (not this time she says, naughty kitty), can she see street lights, are there kids, dogs, is she next to a house? No to all of the above. She has found a secluded place, under cover enough to be out of the elements. She can look out and sees people, but they cannot see her. It's a "cave like" place, which is part of a building, not a house.

I asked if she thinks anybody could find her, she said NO. I advised that if someone saw her, we could get her home, there are lots of people looking out for her.

Most importantly, she says I should still be looking for her. Second most important, she does not like The Big Kitty. Anybody want a big kitty? Mocha is really sweet, just not to my cat.

In a previous conversation I asked if she minded the other kitty, she said, no. I've had the crazy idea of asking Shadow to go get Osita. I don't have an expectation that he'd lead me to her directly, but guide her back to the house with his scent trail. This is his house, he knows where it is, he's lived here his whole life. I'm asking that if she won't go with him, perhaps he could be asked to sit by her, keep her company/warm, hunt her something to eat, or even report back on her condition. He is wearing a collar with my number on it, if someone finds him I can be called to retrieve them both. He's a bit shy around people but bold and friendly with her. I feel he has a strong concern for who is not here, whether that is my aunt (his person) and/or Osita. Perhaps he would take some satisfaction in finding an entity he has concern for. I think he would accept this mission.

Because Osita's signal was weak, the messages were mixed and lacking sensory input, it's entirely possible she's passed. While this is a sad possibility, I'm prepared to accept it. I am however afraid that by admitting this, I'm inviting despair, or passing the message to Osita that I don't want her back. I am not succumbing to despair! I want Osita to come home very much! I want for her happiness and comfort.

I've also taken a more traditional approach to recovering my cat. I check the shelter website daily, I have canvassed every house in the area, looked in many, many bushes, and hung some of my dirty laundry outside so my scent will be on the wind. I'm ready to pee in a bottle to spray around the neighborhood to "mark my territory" in a very mammalian way that should register on the nose of a cat. That'll be my task for tomorrow afternoon. pss pss pss

I'm hopeful I will find her. This has been hard to do by myself, but I'm doing it.